Counselor-Approved Ways To Move Past A Messy Relationship

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Everyone had always praised our family for being close-knitted and knowing about each other deeply in our community. Hence, you could imagine the hurt and disbelief that we experienced when we learned that my little sister had been hiding the fact that she had cohabitated with a married man.

How We Found Out

It was my sister’s birthday, and my parents wanted to surprise her. She lived in another city because of her job and could not come home to celebrate it with us, so mom and dad thought of bringing the party to her. We knew where she kept her spare key, so we felt that we could easily sneak in and jump out and sing her the happy birthday song as soon as she comes home.

When we reached my sister’s apartment, my father noticed that her door was unlocked. As he retired cop, he concluded that someone could be robbing my sister’s place at that moment. He made us go behind him as he opened the door, but we all got the surprise of our lives when we saw my sister cooking with a very naked man in her kitchen.

My sister saw us immediately, and the guy hurried to cover himself up with an apron. My mother was too shocked to talk, but my father wanted answers. He was more conservative than the mom, after all. He made my sister, and I promise to get married before shacking up with a guy. Thus, once the unknown guy came out dressed, my dad asked him when he planned on doing right by my sister.

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The thing was, the man turned pale and could not open his mouth. I thought my father’s question surprised him, but my sister revealed that they could not get married because he was already married to someone else.

“So, are they separated?” I asked.

When my sister shook her head now, I felt the need to close my eyes and count to 10 to keep myself from cursing. This revelation meant two things: 1) these two were committing adultery, and 2) my sister fully consented to it. 

My dad, furious, wanted the man to leave immediately and never come back. However, my sister stood her ground and told us to go because she was doing what she wanted. On our way out, I told her that I hoped karma would not bite her in the ass since she was committing a mortal sin.

When She Returned Home

I received a text from my sister six months later, asking if she could come home. She was afraid of going straight to my parents because they might still be mad at her.

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In reality, I who is more furious at my sister than mom and dad. They disrespected my parents with their sinfulness and did not dare to apologize for it. Still, I knew that my parents would be happy if she would return home, so I said yes.

As soon as she stepped into the house, crying, we knew that something was wrong. Play sister told us that her boyfriend no longer wanted to do anything with her because his wife was already pregnant with their first child. I wanted to yell, “Don’t you hear how twisted that statement is?” But I stopped myself from doing so. As a counselor, I knew the importance of not being judgmental, especially when the person in distress was beginning to open up. But since I was also human and a frustrated sister, I could not help myself from thinking of that.

Counseling Someone Freshly Out Of A Messy Relationship

When it was only my sister and me in the living room, she asked if she could sign up for counseling. Although I was still upset with her awful decisions in life, I admired her willingness to move on from everything.

The next day, we talked some more, and my sister said that she knew her relationship with a married man would never end well. But she did not feel like she could find another guy who would like her for her, so she grew to love him despite his marital status.

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As I was listening to my sister, I realized that she had some insecurities. It did not seem like she was aware of them, but it did not mean they were not there, affecting her judgments. I informed her of my analysis, and she said that it made total sense.

In the next few weeks, my sister and I worked hard to build her self-esteem. It was not a cakewalk, I should tell you. It turned out that my sister was also scared of being called a failure in anything, so we had to deal with that as well. Even my parents got involved in the process, and it somehow turned into a group counseling activity.

We decided to make a cake for every milestone during my sister’s healing journey for positive reinforcement. We did it when she deleted the guy’s number, blocked him on all social media platforms, threw away all the mementos from their time together, and could finally talk about her past relationship without choking up or longing to be with that guy.

It was a teachable experience – one that every woman should learn from. Being in a relationship with a married man is never good, ladies – please remember that.