There Are No Limits To What You Can Do

A woman’s confession after her husband passed away


My name is Marina, and I am a mother of five beautiful kids with ages 14, 12, 10, 8 and 6. I used to see myself as weak and dependent on my husband on almost everything, especially for financial matters. But when he died, everything was in disarray. The love of my life and our main breadwinner was gone in a snap. What’s more shocking for me is that have to be responsible for five small children at 30 years old. This is not uncommon to be stressed with parenting burdens according to


When he was alive, money was not a problem. My husband was a lawyer and while he worked long hours during the weekdays, weekends was his time with us. Being a lawyer gave him a bit of financial comfort, and of course, our family was well-off. We lived in a dream – white picket fence and behind that was an 8-bedroom mansion. I didn’t have to work because he paid me to look after our kids. That was my work, and I spent my “salary” graciously. If only I knew that he would perish so soon, I should have saved up my allowance from him.

Life was very tough after he went away. From perfect family, my children became fatherless. I became a young widow. The first thought in my mind was “How can I get through this without my husband?” Of course, that meant his love for the children and me, and his financial support as well. It was all gone, poof!

The past is generally a good predictor of what to expect and what is to come. However, sometimes there is no relevant connection from the present to the past, and it’s not productive to seek one. — Kim Egel, MFT, MA



And so, my worry began. I had almost nothing in my bank account. Everything went to designer shoes and bags. He always pampered and spoiled me since I was the one taking care of our children. My hubby said many times that I deserved the most beautiful things that he can buy. He was sweet and romantic like that. I should have saved up some more.


My husband and I shared joint savings, but it wasn’t much. Maybe in our current way of life, it can provide for our needs for approximately a year. He had his savings under his name, and it was substantial. Even after his death, he left me something. He was always a great provider. But if I were to continue our lifestyle and I was jobless, the money won’t last three years. I am expecting some insurance cash, and that’s an extra five years for us, as well. What about school for kids until college? We promised ourselves that we’d pay for their education. So many thoughts were invading my head as my mother in law popped my thinking bubble.


She told me this very powerful sentence –


“There is no limit to what we, as women, can accomplish.”


The old woman quoted Michelle Obama as she hugged me. “You can do it, Marina,” she said. “Put on your big girl panties and be the woman your husband know that you are.” She kissed me on the cheek after that and smiled.

Because they are confident, mentally tough people accomplish things and inspire others. In fact, confidence gives them total belief in their ability to get the outcome they are set to achieve. — Aldo Civico Ph.D.

Since then, my eyes were opened. I spoke to my kids, yes all five of them, (the youngest at that time was two years old!) and told them that there would be changes. I sold our house, and we moved to a smaller home; fewer household bills and no mortgage to pay. The kids had to share rooms; the boys in one bedroom and the girls in another room. It was a bit cramped but they all got along just fine.


Also, I got rid of my designer bags and shoes. I received a hefty amount for selling it, and I just left two bags that were my favorite – a Louis Vuitton Deauville, which he gave me for our first year anniversary and a Louis Vuitton Speedy 35 which I bought from his first case win. I kept the two because it had sentimental value.


I also let go of my Buick and his Mustang while I settled for a cheaper maintenance SUV. It was all new to me, but I had to do it. The kids needed to know that I can’t give them the same “life” when their dad was around. I had to move them from private schools to public schools because I can’t afford the tuition. At first, the girl felt embarrassed. We all submitted to a family counseling session once a week to work out our personal issues. I think, my children transitioned really well. A lot of things had to be settled, and I did it all alone. I never knew I had that strength in me.


Year one was almost unbearable, but I kept in mind my mother in law and Michelle Obama –


“There is no limit to what we, as women, can accomplish.”


I just soldiered on and moved forward, holding my head high as I breathed out all negativity and embraced my new life.

We must learn to fully connect with our emotions. Feeling them fully without comment allows the energetic charge to run its course. — Joshua Nash, LPC-S