Counselor-Approved Ways To Move Past A Messy Relationship

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Everyone had always praised our family for being close-knitted and knowing about each other deeply in our community. Hence, you could imagine the hurt and disbelief that we experienced when we learned that my little sister had been hiding the fact that she had cohabitated with a married man.

How We Found Out

It was my sister’s birthday, and my parents wanted to surprise her. She lived in another city because of her job and could not come home to celebrate it with us, so mom and dad thought of bringing the party to her. We knew where she kept her spare key, so we felt that we could easily sneak in and jump out and sing her the happy birthday song as soon as she comes home.

When we reached my sister’s apartment, my father noticed that her door was unlocked. As he retired cop, he concluded that someone could be robbing my sister’s place at that moment. He made us go behind him as he opened the door, but we all got the surprise of our lives when we saw my sister cooking with a very naked man in her kitchen.

My sister saw us immediately, and the guy hurried to cover himself up with an apron. My mother was too shocked to talk, but my father wanted answers. He was more conservative than the mom, after all. He made my sister, and I promise to get married before shacking up with a guy. Thus, once the unknown guy came out dressed, my dad asked him when he planned on doing right by my sister.

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The thing was, the man turned pale and could not open his mouth. I thought my father’s question surprised him, but my sister revealed that they could not get married because he was already married to someone else.

“So, are they separated?” I asked.

When my sister shook her head now, I felt the need to close my eyes and count to 10 to keep myself from cursing. This revelation meant two things: 1) these two were committing adultery, and 2) my sister fully consented to it. 

My dad, furious, wanted the man to leave immediately and never come back. However, my sister stood her ground and told us to go because she was doing what she wanted. On our way out, I told her that I hoped karma would not bite her in the ass since she was committing a mortal sin.

When She Returned Home

I received a text from my sister six months later, asking if she could come home. She was afraid of going straight to my parents because they might still be mad at her.

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In reality, I who is more furious at my sister than mom and dad. They disrespected my parents with their sinfulness and did not dare to apologize for it. Still, I knew that my parents would be happy if she would return home, so I said yes.

As soon as she stepped into the house, crying, we knew that something was wrong. Play sister told us that her boyfriend no longer wanted to do anything with her because his wife was already pregnant with their first child. I wanted to yell, “Don’t you hear how twisted that statement is?” But I stopped myself from doing so. As a counselor, I knew the importance of not being judgmental, especially when the person in distress was beginning to open up. But since I was also human and a frustrated sister, I could not help myself from thinking of that.

Counseling Someone Freshly Out Of A Messy Relationship

When it was only my sister and me in the living room, she asked if she could sign up for counseling. Although I was still upset with her awful decisions in life, I admired her willingness to move on from everything.

The next day, we talked some more, and my sister said that she knew her relationship with a married man would never end well. But she did not feel like she could find another guy who would like her for her, so she grew to love him despite his marital status.

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As I was listening to my sister, I realized that she had some insecurities. It did not seem like she was aware of them, but it did not mean they were not there, affecting her judgments. I informed her of my analysis, and she said that it made total sense.

In the next few weeks, my sister and I worked hard to build her self-esteem. It was not a cakewalk, I should tell you. It turned out that my sister was also scared of being called a failure in anything, so we had to deal with that as well. Even my parents got involved in the process, and it somehow turned into a group counseling activity.

We decided to make a cake for every milestone during my sister’s healing journey for positive reinforcement. We did it when she deleted the guy’s number, blocked him on all social media platforms, threw away all the mementos from their time together, and could finally talk about her past relationship without choking up or longing to be with that guy.

It was a teachable experience – one that every woman should learn from. Being in a relationship with a married man is never good, ladies – please remember that.

A Quick Guide On How To Let Go Of Anxiety

Are you tired of always feeling down and afraid because of your anxious thoughts? Does it make you feel uncomfortable whenever you start to fear something or someone? Take note that anxiety can take a toll in your life. Because of this, it is imperative or vital on your part of doing everything you can to find a way on how to let go of anxiety. Keep in mind that the process of doing this may not be easy, but you have to be willing to go through it because the end of the journey can be rewarding.

 

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Below is a list of the guidelines that you have to follow if you genuinely want to eliminate the presence of anxiety in your life. And in case you need an additional, visit BetterHelp for more.

 If most people tend to feel most anxious during transition times, such as divorce, “ not feeling good enough”, attempting to try new experiences , job change, a loss or just stepping outside your comfort zone , then why not attempt to approach life as we would experiencing the temperature outside? — Laura S Mindell, MA, LPC, NCC

Identify All Your issues

 

Be brave enough to identify the problems in your life. Take note that what you are experiencing at the moment is a result of all the conscious decisions that you have made in the past. If you continue to ignore your issues, you will only make the situation worse. Keep in mind that knowing the cause of your life issues will allow you to think of the right strategies to deal with them.  You will become more aware of your strengths and weaknesses. On the other hand, if you continue to ignore the fact that you are going through something, you will be complacent to the point that you will merely accept what will happen in your life – even if they are not great.

 

Talk About Your Fears

 

Do not keep everything to yourself. Sometimes, all it takes to improve our mood feel better about your life is to open up about your concerns to other people. Find a friend whom you can confide about your problems. Stop thinking that they will judge you for whatever it is that you will tell them. Instead, believe in yourself that you are a fantastic person who has friends who can be honest and trustworthy. If you are not comfortable doing this, you can always seek professional help. That way you can get the necessary assistance you need. Find a therapist whom you can open up to. The best part of all is that the said professional is duty-bound not to disclose any information that he obtains during the therapy sessions.

One specific strategy within mindfulness is to focus your mind on sensory experiences. I find focusing on tactile sensations particularly effective. — Laura J. Jordan, MA, LPC, LMFT

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Find Your Passion

 

Distract yourself from all the negativity by doing more of what you love. You can start by finding your passion. Dedicate yourself in making yourself happy instead of stressing over your problems. Keep in mind that when you are passionate about what you do, it will be a whole lot easier on your part to let go of the anxious thoughts. Most of your time will be spent on improving yourself and finding more reasons to be happy. However, if you continue to let anxiety eat up your sunny days, you will end up being miserable to the point that you will no longer be interested in continuing with your life. At the same time, it can also increase the possibility of hurting your relationships with the people around you. Because of this, it is always a great decision to do what you love instead of dwelling on your issues and concerns.

 

Ask Help And Support

 

Accept the reality that some things are beyond your control. You have to learn how to accept the help that other people in your life are willing to provide you. Do not be too proud of yourself in that you will instead choose to suffer than seek help. Take note that many individuals will be more than happy to respond to your call for help. At the same time, it is also ideal if you will consider seeking professional help. Nonetheless, it is crucial to highlight the fact that therapy sessions are only suitable if you believe that your anxiety has taken out of control.

 

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No matter how much you prepare for the future, there will be unpredictable and uncontrollable events. The more you can accept this inevitablity, the easier it will be to cope with surprises. — Joel Minden, Ph.D.

Conclusion

 

Having anxiety thoughts can make you suffer in the long run. As such, it is highly recommended for you to be committed to letting go all your anxious thoughts. Embrace positivity because you deserve it. When things become tough, it is essential for you to become tougher. Always aim to improve yourself so that you can have better control over what you do and think. Remember that you ultimately have the power to change your life for the better.